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I Lost Myself March 23, 2007

Posted by WishBoNe in Career, Emotions & Feelings, Holiday, Random Thoughts, Transport, Travel.
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Haven’t been in any mood to do anything lately. Partly due to the fact that no temp coming along my way and the project seems to be in a dead end. Even the upcoming trip doesn’t seem to excite me when DD first managed to book it.

I’m not sure what’s wrong or maybe I feel moody that nothing seems to be going as to what I had planned. Maybe this was meant to be but not the way I planned. In this process, I have done the unthinkable; neglecting someone who is very important to me. I’m now even moodier because there is no more contact between us. Just refusal to answer my calls and SMS.

I did what other girls with a broken heart would do; cry. It’s been nearly a year since I last cried so hard, so sad and so lonely. Anyway to salvage it? I’m not sure but I will try one more time.

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Comments»

1. Justin V - March 23, 2007

Find yourself.. Find something new, something you. That’s always helps me get out of my ruts. Try something you always wanted to do or never thought about doing–Oh thanks for stopping by the blog.

2. me - March 24, 2007

sad to hear you going through a rough patch just after a short while not visiting your blog.

i recently attended the wake of a ex-colleague’s father, who had a unexpected heart-attack and just passed away so suddenly – no last farewells, no last directions for the family, just like that. and my friend and ex-colleague was halfway into her pregnancy and her own birthday is the next day. needless to say, she was totally devastated.

i went through a rough patch myself and am still trying to find meaning in my life to fill the void. there are days, and more nights when i think life has no meaning and it is simply easier to give up than to keep trying to fit into this world.

it’s a daily struggle for me, and i believe it is a daily struggle for my friend who just lost her dad – she’s not even 28. when reality suddenly flips out from under our feet, our world we know it changes so suddenly that it defies our ability to come to terms with it and to understand it properly.

now i understand why people older than myself feel and look older – not because of their wrinkles on their faces. its the wrinkles on their hearts and the solemn look of their eyes – eyes that have seen lots of personal tragedies, partings, grief that cannot be penned in words alone …

it’s such thoughts that make me understand that i would never want to be immortal if immortality can be gained. there is enough suffering and grief in my lifespan to last me forever – i have no need to immortalise my pain.

hope you can find your feet again and look at life bravely in the face. and i also hope that you will have success in whatever you are currently trying to salvage. take care.

3. WishBoNe - March 25, 2007

@Justin
Thanks for the encouragement and stopping by.

@me
I feel sad for your friend. Nights are the time when our minds overwork and that’s when most people get more depressed than usual. That’s why when people encounter a situation when they are unable to work out, they feel worst at night. I hope your friend would be able to sort out herself in the meantime.


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