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10 Ways to Know if The Relationship is “Right” June 22, 2006

Posted by WishBoNe in Interesting/Hilarious Emails, Random Thoughts, Relationships, Romance/ Love.
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1. You feel good about yourself and your world.

A good relationship makes you feel great. It should fill in your “gaps” and make you feel whole. It should give you emotional strength and help you to feel that everything is ok – and will continue to be.

Another good sign is that you’re better able to survive disasters at work, at home, etc. – not because you know someone will be there to solve them, but because you know that YOU can.

2. You look forward to spending time together.

Far too many couples stay together out of habit. They don’t really look forward to being together and try to find ways to avoid it. For example, they always try to include other friends, go to an event so that they’ll have something to do, etc.

Another sign is fear of the “conversation lag” where nobody has anything to say. If your relationship is “right”, you’ll enjoy spending quality time together – even when it’s quiet.

3. You respect your partner, and “talk him or her up.”

Is there anyone that agrees with everything someone else says or thinks? (I can tell you – nobody agrees with everything I say!) There’s no reason you have to agree with everything your partner says or thinks either. However, you should RESPECT them for it – right or wrong.

Further, when you respect someone – really respect them – you find yourself “talking them up” to people. You say things like, “You know, my girlfriend said something that I don’t agree with, but it really made me think” or “My husband really knows about wood working – you should ask him about it.”

What this really shows is your focus – if you find you’re always talking about yourself, you’re not focused on your partner – or the relationship.

4. You are really interested in what he or she thinks.

Along with respect, you’ll find that you are interested in your partner’s thoughts on different things – and you ask. You might have heard the President of your company say something and you ask your wife to get her take on it. Or, you may have come up with an idea that you want your boyfriend to think about – and you’re not afraid of getting shot down.

5. You are aware of, but ignore their quirks.

Everyone (even YOU bunky!) has his or her little quirks. Your partner’s quirks might even appear cute to you, or at least harmless. If they’re getting to you, you should look more closely at your relationship in
general.

6. Problems don’t make you think about breaking up.

All relationships have problems. It’s natural and healthy. However, if every time you fight you feel ready to break up, you should re-think your relationship. People that have good, solid relationships see disagreements as a chance to learn more about their lover, and to get closer. Thus, they don’t fear them, but they don’t create them either!

7. You aren’t scared about losing him or her.

Once you start investing your feelings in a relationship you risk being hurt. This isn’t my rule – it’s just the way it is. However, if you dwell on the possibility of being hurt, you can’t really enjoy the relationship. Further, you shouldn’t be concerned that your lover isn’t happy. If the relationship is secure – you’ll know it.

8. You’re together “just because.”

Many people start dating and then coordinate their lives such that they have to be together – either for finances, kids, family, work, the dog, etc. Is there something keeping your relationship together?

If you’re together just because you both want to be, you’ve got a good reason to stay together! If you’re together because you have to be, you’ll likely to start having problems.

9. You appreciate other attractive people, but aren’t interested in them.

There is someone more attractive than your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. I don’t care whom you’re with! If your relationship is good, you still like the way other people look, but don’t find it necessary to compare them to your partner. After all …

10. You are in love.

If you don’t know that you’re in love, you’re not. Love is very difficult to explain, but one of the best explanations I’ve seen is this:

“Love is when you are more concerned with the well being, safety and happiness of someone else than your own.”

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Comments»

1. Lessons Learnt and Going On « A Mind of My Own - November 23, 2006

[...] Our common topic was relationships. How we’re learning from building and maintaining relationship with our chosen partners. No matter the length of time we’ve spent together with our partners, we have something to learn from them throughout the time spent with them. We may know what they hate about certain things but over the years, the same thing that they used to hate, they may no longer hate it because they’ve changed their thinking. [...]

2. Lisa - July 3, 2008

Relationships were never scary for me. Ending them was the scary part. But now in this relationship, I seem to be really struggling to accept it. The man I’m with is good to me, and doesn’t seem to mistreat me at all. I’m more scared of this than any other relationship I’ve ever been in because it’s so different from the past ones. I feel different with this man. I can’t really explain why. I have always wanted to be loved (who hasn’t?), and now that someone seems to, the very thought of it scares me to the point where I just can’t focus. Everything I’ve read and learned says that fear isn’t love, so what’s the deal? I’m missing something.

3. Kevin - September 7, 2008

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to break up because she just didn’t feel we make each other happy anymore. I was very distraught over this, and eventually after talking we decided taking a break was a a better idea. I really feel like my relationship with her would last forever and i think she felt the same way. We are each other’s first loves. This is really hard for me (and her too), I’ve shared so much with this girl, its amazing. After analyzing my relationship, I find there to be problems in it, and i want to work through them, start fresh if i can. I’ve noticed myself change in the relationship, for the worse and the better in certain ways. On one hand, i’ve become more clingy with her, i wouldn’t go so far to say I depend on her for everything but at certain times I find myself wanting her to help me. An example is when i had to have one of my pets put to sleep, I called her at 4:00AM because i really needed someone to talk to. Another example would be when i asked her to come along to see my grandmother, she had just been hooked up to an oxygen tank, and I couldn’t bear the thought of having to see her like that alone. She came with me gladly, and i appreciated it both times. Since i;ve been with her i now really appreciate love and sex. She is the first person i experienced these things with…idk there are so many thoughts running through my mind right now. She is a year and a half younger than myself (I’m 19), but i think she is so much wiser and better at relationships than myself. She understands how to deal with things better than myself, its scary. I feel like i’m just bad at relationships. I asked her today, not for a second chance, but only if her heart was still open to me, she told me yes, and that she really cared for and loved me. I need someone to talk to, i have no insurance right now, so i cant see a psychiatrist or counselor because they want so much money. I’m hoping someone reads this and can tell me where i can get affordable help. I want her back in my life, she gives me everything i could possibly want: kindness, companionship, she cares about me, she makes love to me, and is my dream come true. I really mean she is my dream come true, and i think i fucked up…alot. I just want a chance to make things right, to show her that i still appreciate her for all those qualities i mentioned. Please, if someone out there can give me some advice, i;d really appreciate it. Thank you

Cindy - November 4, 2009

It has been a year sence this happened and I don’t even know if you will get this but I want you to know that as young as you are you are the sweetest man around. I promise that most teens do not grow up like you, with the love you have in your heart that is more than willing to give. Life is hard as we grow older, no matter if we are man or woman, and especially if you have a heart like yours. Don’t ever tell yourself that you have done anything wrong, certain people just take longer time to grow than others and in the midst…hurt comes along. Don’t ever blame yourself though, and try to look at the good aspects of life instead of the bad, you will get thru with time, you have a wonderful heart! I promise! I also promise that this girl knows how much you love and appreciate her. Keep your chin up… My name is Cindy and I will be 35 on Friday, but believe me, I have been thru your feelings and it brings sorrow and heartache, but you have compassion!

4. kyle - December 16, 2008

hey kevin, i read your message im not sure if you check this thing still but are you two still together? im 21 and i got out of a 2 year relationship with my first love. It was somewhat diffcult my problem was alittle different though. she pretty much broke up with me, heres my theory if the girl is not happy with the relationship or you notice both of you have drifted away from how you were the first time you meet then you might want to let it go. I wanted my relationship to end but i was very commited to it so i wasnt leaving, now i have started a new relationship. I love this girl im with now her name is sera she is 20 and my x was 17. Me and sera have been together for about a month. So if things dont work out for you it will be okay i know how painful it is to lose a girl it cuts deep some girls dont understand but i have find an amazing girl who makes me feel like i never had before. I never thought that i could feel this good. well good luck to you.

5. Diane Harvey - March 14, 2009

Hi Kevin,
Similar words would have spilled forth from me when I was 19 as well.
I met the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with when I was 18 and we dated for over a year. He was my first love, my first sexual encounter and my first …everything! I did love him…as much as I could in my own way at 19 years old.
I felt like this was the kindest, most wonderful person in the world for me. No one would ever understand me like he could, no one would ever accept all of the little quirks, the deep secrets, the private parts of my life. He saw the “real” me. I thought this could surely never come again. I cried, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep and was just plain miserable when we broke up.

I am now 23 years old and I am slowly realizing how wisdom comes with age…I still feel too young. I am just now beginning to honestly look at myself and accept parts of myself.

SInce that first love I have dated and had relationships and I am currently in the best relationship of my life…I didn’t even know relationships like this could exist. However, my first love will always hold a special place in my heart, but I needed to allow myself to learn what it was like on my own and to trust that better things will come along, and they do.

I am not presuming to know your situation or to know you…I realize I am in no position to know you or your relationship. I just wanted to tell you my story in hopes that it would help you. :)

Ultimately, you must have faith in yourself and be strong. The right person will come along when you least expect it….and in my case…it was when I didn’t even want someone in my life.

You can be in love and not have a stomachache all the time.

I realize this post was earlier this year…but just incase you’re still out there.
I probably also posted this for my own reflection. So thank-you as well.
-Diane

6. jenn - October 27, 2009

im soooo scared that he dosnt like me enough and its not all his fault its all the guys befor him who used me or randomly dumped me. he always says sweet things and that he loves me and wont leave me but at the same time when we bump into eachother in school we really have nothing ta say?

what do i doo?


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